A Jumpmaster Night Before Christmas

‘Twas the jump before Christmas and all through the plane,
The Jumpmaster’s crazy and the Safety’s insane!
The static lines were hung on the cables with care
In hopes that a green light soon would be there.
At the one minute warning, not a word would be said,
While malfunctions and entanglements danced through their heads.
With the door bundles rigged I hooked up my pack,
“Let’s pull this jump off without one racetrack!”
When out on the wing there arose such a clatter,
I opened the door to see what was the matter,
And what to my night-visioned eyes should appear,
But a towed parachutist and eight soaring reindeer.
I can’t believe it, I thought to myself,
A sleigh and some reindeer, and even an elf!
He screamed and they snorted as he called them some names,
“You nasty mangy reindeer!” I heard him exclaim.
Then looking right at me, that old so and so,
Called, “Cut me loose, Trooper, I’m still good to go!”
So I leaned out the door And grabbed hold of his sleigh,
He gave a four thousand count when I cut them away.
They fell through the night til I saw them no more,
Then I came back inside and yelled, “Stand in the door.”
Some jumpers were happy and some full of fright,
But when the green light came on, they all jumped that night.
On bundle, on jumpers, the jumpmaster exits the door,
One thousand, two thousand, three thousand, four!
With my ass in the blast and my knees in the breeze,
Saint Michael protect me, from all of these trees!
Dark skies full of chutes and strong winds did blow,
Then heard a faint distant laughter, from the DZSO.
Tried a one riser slip hand-over-hand to my right,
But my hands were so cold I could not hold on tight.
Now lower your ruck and slip hard as you can,
Put your feet and knees together and get ready to land.
Ball of the feet, calf, thigh, and push-up muscle,
Then roll up your chute and move out with some hustle.
To the chute turn-in point, the red light and a vest,
Be sure your name is scratched from the jump manifest.
I saw the assembly point with a strobe light so bright,
I knew even new Troopers, would find it that night.
No matter where or when be it desert or snow,
The Airborne Troopers are ready to go.
It was that towed parachutist holding that light,
Pulled pitch in his sleigh then flew into the night.
We heard him proclaim as he flew out of sight
“Happy jumping to all now let’s call it a night.”
I swear to my Maker for as long as I’m here,
This is how I Jumpmastered with Santa, his sleigh and reindeer.

Have a Merry AIRBORNE Christmas!